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Not that you sick SOB!! Many of you may not know there is another side of me that doesn't show too much in this media and forum I participate in. I have another website I call my "therapy" website because it helps me to maintain a certain level of sanity - if that is possible.

Below is a story I told today at my "other" blog called the Black Fly Blog - not to be confused with the Black Bear Blog.

This is the link to the Black Fly Blog (see bottom of page)

Here's that story. I hope you enjoy it.
I Told You Otis Was Smaht!!

I’ve told you many times that Otis is either the smartest man alive (well at least in Washington, D.C.) or he’s the dumbest (well at least in Andover). Yesterday proved it.

Otis was sitting with Gabby out in front of Mills’ Market on Main Street minding his own business as only Otis can do, you see! All of a sudden this big fancy black car that looks real important pulls up in front of the store. From out of the back seat emerges this gentlemanly looking fella dressed to the nines. Otis is intrigued but not overcome.

The man enters the store and starts a conversation with Roger. Soon it becomes clear that this dude is a threat to Otis and he don’t like it none. The problem was that Otis has encountered another man who thinks he is pretty smart too.

Weeeeeellllllll! Otis grabs each strap of his suspenders and marches himself into the store. He gets right in this guys space, you see and eyes him from head to toe.

“You think you’re a pretty smaht fella don’t cha?” asked Otis.

“I know my way around a little I guess,” retorted the dude. “Who are you?”

“I betchew ain’t so smaht as ya think ya ah!” exclaimed Otis with a look on his face that frankly scared Roger some. He hadn’t really seen Otis looking so much like a mad dog attempting to protect his territory.

“Tell ya what,” said Otis. “I wanna see just how smaht you are. I’m going to ask you some questions and I want to see if you is smaht ’nuff to get em right.”

Well, you know the duded-up man thought quickly and he reasoned that he was a college educated man and this Otis character probably never got out of 2nd grade. How difficult a question could someone like him ask?

“Okay,” the guy said. “I’ll play your childish game if it will get you to leave me alone.”

Otis began, “How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?”

The man laughed for a second and said, “You can’t put a giraffe in the fridge.”

“Wrong!” answered Otis. “You open the door, put the giraffe in and shut the door. You’re so dang smaht and educated and all you try to find is complicated ways to do things and when you can’t figure out because it’s easy you give up.”

“Fine,” replied the man. “Ask me another.”

Otis quizzed, “How do you put an elephant in the refrigerator?”

“That’s easy,” answered the man. “You open the door, put the elephant in and close the door.”

“Nope,” said Otis. “I told ya you weren’t too bright. You can’t put the elephant in the refrigerator because there’s a giraffe in there. You got to take the giraffe out first. You’re so stupid you can’t think about the repercussions of any of your previous actions.”

By now the man was getting a little bit angry and embarrassed because this brain-dead moron from the country was making him look bad.

“I suppose there’s more?” asked the man.

“Yep, if you think you’re up for it,” replied Otis. “Here goes! You ever watch that movie the Lion King?”

“Oh, yeah,” the guy says excitedly. Now he knows he’s got Otis because he’s watched the Lion King at least 200 times with his 6 year old daughter.

“Okay, then,” says Otis. “The Lion King is having an animal convention and all animals are invited. They all show up except one. Which animal doesn’t show up?”

“What’s that got to do with the Lion King?” he screams and looks at Roger. Roger just shrugs his shoulders and smiles. “Okay, okay it was the Uncle, whatever his name was.”

“Wrong!” retorts Otis. “Ya dummy! The elephant. You just put him in the refrigerator. He can’t get out from the inside so how’s he going to make it to the animal convention? You’re so dumb because you have no memory.”

The man was hopping mad by now and says to Otis, “You ain’t going to get me that easily. I’m onto what you’re doing so ask me another question.”

“I’ve got one more question and I know you won’t get it right,” said Otis. “But here goes. You come to a river where crocodiles have been known to live. You don’t have a boat how do you get across?”

You know that man thought and thought and I thought he was going to pop a gasket he was so determined to get the right answer. He asked questions like how wide is the river? Can I use rope? How deep is it? Can I see any crocodiles? etc.

Otis new he wouldn’t get the right answer so he told him, “You jump in the river and swim to the other side. There are no crocodiles because they are all at the animal convention. This tells me you don’t learn from your mistakes either.”

Posted by Mainard True
Here's the link to the Black Fly Blog
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