Tall Tales and Damn Lies!

Discussion in 'Maine Humor' started by kenton6, Apr 8, 2004.

  1. kenton6

    kenton6 Administrator

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    Someone get this started please! Oh Okay I'll give it a try being that fishing season is right around the corner.

    Sam and John went fishing the other day. They walked through the woods for quite some distance to get to their favorite fishing hole and had been at it for some time when Sam heard a noise behind him. He turned to see the local Game Warden approaching his flank quite rapidly. In an instant Sam dropped his pole and ran for dear life out into the think growth hoping to elude the Warden.
    John continued fishing as the Warden beat feet after Sam. Well, the Warden was some younger and in much better shape than Sam and soon the Warden dove and tackled Sam.
    Once the skirmish was over and both men had gotten to their feet, the warden asked Sam to produce a fishing license. Sam quietly reached into his back pocket and showed the Warden a bonafide fishing license. Totally perplexed, the Warden asked Sam, "If you got a damned license why in the hell did you run?" "Well," said Sam, "John don't".
     

  2. kenton6

    kenton6 Administrator

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    What kind of hole?

    These two fellas from Lewiston, Maine joined the army back in the early part of WWII. They stayed together for most of their hitch and one day while stationed in Texas they were told to report to the Sargeant over at the motor pool. Thinking they were going to get a "cushy" job, they ran to find the Sarge and soon found themselves out near the edge of a large field digging a big hole in the ground. Seems that one of the base's mules had died and they needed to bury it so they "volunteered" these two fellas to do the job.
    While they were digging in the hot blazing son, they began to argue over whether or not the animal they were burying was a donkey or a mule. After much debate along came the base Chaplain. The two knew the Chaplain would know the answer to the problem so they called the Chaplain over and asked him. The Chaplain pondered a moment and said, "Well, gentlemen, actually, according to the Bible that animal you are referring to is called an ASS!"
    The two continued to dig contended that they had had their dissagreement solved. Shortly, a junior officer came by and asked to two, "Hey fellas! What ya diggin? A fox hole?" Immediately one fella responded, "Not according to the Bible!"
     
  3. Hey, your site is looking great. I heard through the grapevine that sales were up. Is that a tall tale or a damn lie? :lol:

    I may get that double CD for my brother in-law this year.

    Edited: Just found the link to that CD http://www.joeperham.com/bestofclyde.htm
     
  4. kenton6

    kenton6 Administrator

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    This may seem tall and a damned lie but it is a true story. I will not use names to protect the innocent even though it happened several long years ago.
    There were these two brothers you see, and they went to Nova Scotia deer hunting. Up in Nova Scotia they give you a tag for your deer when you buy your license and if you shoot one, you just throw the tag on it and that's it.
    These two fellas didn't get a deer while in Nova Scotia (I find that hard to believe but I think that could be another whole story). When they re-entered the US they were headed back toward Bangor via the "airline" road and all they could see in the night was deer after deer after deer standing along side the road. Well, they had a discussion you see and they reasoned that with a couple of Nova Scotia tags still in their possession - well what the heck.
    They stopped and one fella jumped out and shot a deer. They dragged it into the woods a bit, quickly dressed it out, threw it on top of their heavily loaded down with gear car and raced off in the direction of Bangor.
    Feeling kinda smug and cocky they were getting hungry so when they got into the Bangor area, they stopped at an all night diner to eat. After they had ordered their food, they glanced out into the parking lot to where their car was parked and a pretty good sized crowd of people were gathered round their car looking that deer over very closely.
    That's when they noticed the steam rising from the deer cause it hadn't been shot that long ago and it was a cold morning.
    Both men without saying much of anything left the diner abruptly and sped away as fast as they could.
     
  5. kenton6

    kenton6 Administrator

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    Which way you draggin' Billy?

    I was over in Turner one day hunting. I had been sitting in a tree stand since way before daylight and it was gettin to be near mid morning with no action. As I was thinkin a comin down out of that tree, I shot rang out not too far away. I waited a while and nothin happened so I headed for my truck to git on home.
    Well, I run into these two Frenchman from down in Lewiston and they was draggin a deer but they was draggin it by the hind legs you see. Well, not that it was really any of my business but I went on over to em and told them that deer would drag a whole hell of a lot better if they dragged it from the other end.
    Well, they thanked me and I was on my way. About an hour later one of them fellas said to the other, "It's some easier you, to drag this deer by the antlers instead of da back feet no?" "Oh, yeah," the other fella piped in. "But we gittin a long ways away from de truck no?"

    thank you, thank you, oh thank you! no applause, no applause! just throw money! :lol: